::IvyB!'s Blog and such::

Hey guys, how's it going? Well I'm back home from AC,
it's a bit of an understatement that I do miss everyone
already, and the whole convention was still really overwhelming as it usually can be. There where some awesome times there, seeing old and new faces, love meeting new people and this trip was exactly what I needed, it really in a way relaxed me, even if I was busy most of the time. I'm not gonna lie, I do wish I had more time to goof off and just hang out with people, but all the moments I spent there were awesome and funny, gah damn XD the only real downer was the early closing of the zoo with was really frown worthy, I was really upset about that do to some nonsense and well every whined up paying for it so it was an upset.

I'm also happy to say that I feel more inspired and focused to illustrate again, so I do have some home work to do (brought back work to do) but I'm good :D

I MISSS EVERYONE GOD DAMN IT!!!!!! hehhehehehhehe

Also I wanna send out my thanks and shouts to: soba, k2, aq, seel, ac, aure, Kah, redic, Nickwolf, HTW, Bluebane, koda, jacktalon, chiv, damaratus, Luewywolf, Arius, dave, Tim, Trevor, nexia, Mia, grisser, kkitty23, airu, projectblue2, fly, Skech, manny, jossy, spunky, Daniel, browl, Tremor, kaze, danzer, v, Ali, yuni, Blaits, strype, coop, Yuchi, Yuki, Ken, kal, reg, tooie, the architect and everyone and everyone and everyone T-T

seriously I loved hanging out with everybody and all you made it
awesomer

much love hugs and kisses
-ivy

Hey everyone, how's it going? Sorry i have not updated much, im just busy here finishing a lot of older stuff, before next week hits me
So i really get everything done before then, i also managed to do a last minute freelance form my previous employer at the editorial i was at
it was for one of the English work books that was to be given in on Tuesday, Well i managed to get that done but i was waiting on approval form the editors, so i have 4 minor changed to fix which wasn't a problem so i went yesterday to give the big illustrator format files to my boss, gah i really missed being back in that editorial working with my co-workers. ;___; i miss them a lot, the whole staff was so much fun to work with.

But yeah, on other stuff, The heat has been KILLER x____x horrible and also i've taking my brother and picking him up from school till we can finish a buss service that can do so and not charge us $50 a DAY... ¬¬

He's also been breaking his shirts at the new school, i dunno if get mad or its the heat or anything, but everything i ask, they always say: " i dunnoooo"
so it's a bit irritating, but yeah....

( SomeMOARthings )

Hey guys, Sorry i've been so away for so long...i feel like practically abandonded this place...how's it going?

well as of recently i got let go on on the 15th of April with 18 other employees also on temporary contract. Everybody was really emotional at the end of the day even my boss was in tears, it clear she didn't want anybody to go but she didn't have that power of authority to do so, we where just hire to do a certain project and it was fulfilled.
Hopefully more will come and if they decide re-hire again, eventually they would call, but i do need to move froward and
find a new place in-case they do take to long and i can find something better with benefits included. So i'm currently updating my resumé and my portfolio to see who's hiring. Well in the meantime, you guys might see more of my online and be also working stuff to finish and such.
As of late, i've had to get a cetificate that allows me to do freelance work, my boss had asked it form me before we got let go, and im just also wait for them to
email me back with some freelance stuff that they had in mind for the workbooks that didn't get finished, i guess till there's anything more solid, im still just sending resumés andhoping for the best.


*hugs*

All i can say to open up this journal is Thank You

thank you ALL so much for your support and being there for me, this really touched my heart and it would have been more difficult if i was completely alone, I really didn't know all of you cared that much. and again i thank you so.

From Sunday till Thursday, is was non stop chaos one thing after another. After the police came with the ambulance on Sunday, the funereal home came by to take the body to Forensics to preform an Autopsy. we had to wait 2 hours till we were allowed to go and get interview by Forensics. in the mean time, Rougee and her family came over, and so did my brother's teacher. My brother got to see my mom leaving on the sling, like he didn't completely understand, So his teacher stayed with my brother at my house while my father and I went to forensics. we stayed there practically the whole afternoon and then we had to identify the body by photo. It was so hard to see it.... After words, i got more company in the evening. Illution with madisson and Vero and Paola, Dennis with his boyfriend and Yamibliss with Yaniel. We where watching in my room Zeitgeist 1 & 2 then we went to get some food, also the phone was ringing off the hook.
people i didn't even expect to hear form called. it was a very draining first day.

the days that followed was going back to forensics and find out what she died form, it was a heart attack, but we won't know the why yet. It look to be accidental, she con confused with he pills, thinking she was taking 2 different things and whined up drinking more of the same by mistake. She really couldn't see that well and all of her body was hurting all the time, she also suffered form chest pain a lot. Tuesday was the wake, in the morning my father and i had to go to Social security and fill out some paper work to inform she was desisted and a point me as my brother's tutor, form 6:30am to 2pm they kept us there and the wake began at 1pm, so we had to call the funeral home to display my mother at the room reserved for her. then when we got there, i just broke down, seeing the display......i saw my Grandmother and my Aunt a few other family members and some of my father's co-wokers there as well. then the ceremony and my bother arrived with his teacher and he just like in shock to see my mother in the casket, after ceremony, My father had to take him home for a bit, cuz he didn't want to be in the room anymore.

So i stayed receiving people, then to my surprise, basically my whole art staff form work came, including my boss, Karys. I broke down, and i was so overwhelmed to see that hey also really cared, im still a newbie to them, ya know? they game me two envelopes and they saw there floral arrangement that they sent over as well. It gave me such peace of mind to see them there too. then they left and more people came, later, I saw Rougee with her family as well and other neighbors. My father came back with my brother and he would just walk around out on the waiting room cuz he couldn't stand to be in the room and see my mother in the coffin. the last ones to come was Yamibliss and Illution and then we all went home afterwords, i was exhausted and yet i had problems sleeping, i had slept, i had like some kinda fear eeriness . the next day was the burial and just very few people came and it very simple ceremony. we all said out goodbyes and form there we had a meeting at my brother school to discuss what will happen to him, his teacher found a service with the social workers and it a house keeper to be in charge of Oliver(my brother) while my father and i are at work. She starts on Monday, Thank goodness. and well, i just had ALOT of mixed feelings and confusions. We still have much to do, find all the load papers my mother had and take that to bank and such.

I returned to work after the burial, cuz i didn't want to be alone in the house and i just wanted to distract myself. During all of this, my father has been moving back in to house Today we where picking up the last of his things and still there's more to organize.
I dunno what to expect in the future but i know that my mind isn't fully clear and i'm just trying to cope with what i can. I still have a lot to do , finish work on, so forth and i truthfully apologize for ALL the delays and everything. i gonna try yo get myself to draw again which i must and maintain my head distracted as much as i can.

Again Thank you ALL for being there form me, in spirit and in person ya'll dunno how much this means to me. *hug*

my mother passed away this morning .



i found her laying on her bed with her mouth open and i didn't her her snore anymore, called 911 and they pronounced her dead at 8:32am.



i don't even know how to cope right now.

Hey guys! How's it going? Well since last i posted,(i know its been a while) But i had finished the books that was assigned to me was out for work for a week and half also i had to get new mac mini since my 8 yr old G4 died due to hardware failure. The day prier to that, my job had called me back to ask for me to assist the director of design (His names is José) to illustrate the covers for the text books i had started working on when i first started ( i was working on Math 1 through 3). It was just gonna be a contract for a week, while between the both of us where gonna work on the illustrations.

For all the book, all subject had to have 3 covers, since it was 1rt 2nd and 3rd grade, so 4 subjects (discarding English since those books have not been made yet) had a deadline since 12 covers had to be made. Originally it was gonna be divided down the middle, he would do 6, i would do 6 and so forth. But Since he was the one in charge of doing the layout of the covers themselves, he did 3 and did 9 and he would also help me out by adding or removing certain things for it to be more aesthetically pleasing to the design of the covers.

We managed to finish on time, then He also wanted to do the English covers just to have them handy as well, so my contract got extended for another week, that also gave them time to to make more adjustments to the previous covers when they had passed through the big bosses of the Editorial. So while i was making the adjustments asked, i was working on the English covers. During all of this, my other boss Karys, she told me before she was leaving on vacation ( which she desperately needed) she said that come the 24th of Sept. since I will be finishing the English covers i was gonna be signing a new contract this time till December coz i'm gonna be working on the English books 1st through 6th grade books.

So, the 24th was right around the corner and José the day before came to check on me and he was asking for more changes on the previous covers ordered by the big owner of the editorial, and i said, "Dude tomorrow i'm signing a new contract which is to start on the books for English" He looked at me puzzled and left.

The next day, they only extended me for another week :/ and i was confused and it was cos José ordered human resources to extend the covers contract more. I was kinda upset, cos i was informed that the contract i originally was sign was gonna stipulate that i was not gonna receive minimum wage anymore, since it was gonna be for a longer period. but then i found out why.

This was 1 of the biggest wrench thrown, José comes up to me and tell me that the bosses asked for 12 new covers for the workbooks with the excuse that the people that worked in the warehouse could not tell the difference between a text book form a work book..... when they are supposed to be cohesive
and that set back what Karys had ordered also setting me back with the English books. The other big wrench thrown in the mix was that José after informing this to me that he was leaving the 30th of sept. to Austria for 2 weeks. leaving me completely alone with the new covers, he didn't even explain to me how different they where going to be or i could add backgrounds to them....well i found out the hard way this week that just passed. I was making them just as simple as the other covers but the design was slight they different and that meant more elements to add to fill up space : /

Well on the 1st of October, i finally got to sign the contract its till December 31st and no more minimum wage :3
i'm gonna be getting the same steady salary as the other illustrators, no benefits, but i don't mind that all still being a temp. Anyways hopefully by tomorrow i can finally get started with the English books and they wont bother me anymore with changes form the new covers, i've been all this week making and fixing the changes asked, José really had some timing for this... : /
But now i got more work, so i'm just gonna around on the weekends, sorry for anymore delays and for not being around as much anymore >:

well be seeing ya. *hugs*

Hi every one, how's it going? Yup it's already been a week since i started my new Job as an illustrator and frankly, i have not felt so happy to be at such a place.
I thought at first that it would be more like, how do i put this...like a drag in a way thinking you just go work no interaction nothing. but NO completely opposite :D
the people there are SOOOO nice! My boos is exceptional. She's such a nice compassionate person and really cares for her employees.

My first day was a bit complex so to speak, i still was getting over my cold and the night before i had so much jitters that i couldn't sleep well. So i got early and i had most of my documents that i needed to give in to human resources dept. and so i was given the paperwork and contract to make me official. Being a Temp, well my contract is only till the 30th of August and my minimum is $6.55 an hour but im still happy and thankful of getting this opportunity.

well, i had one document missing, it was my health certificate and i explain that my doctor was on vacation last week, so they asked if i wanted to retrieve it that morning, so i did since his office was near by. I was still feeling short of breath and feeling like i was gonna have a asthma attack so i was kinda glad i was going the doctor's, he checked me out and made my certificate and i was back at the office around 12pm.
I asked my boss to show me where is my station and what i had to do, so she did. at the moment there a deadline for a work book for children for the 30th of July an she said that most of the images are gonna be recycled in form others books they had made so, my job if to look through 5 books and mark the image and if there isn't a image that can be used i would have to make it form scratch and finalize it in illustrator. So i have to make the proper sketches and have to review it with the editor and then i review it with my boss (the art director)

In a day i manged to review the images, write down with ones to be used and sketch out what is necessary for 5 chapters and they loved my sketches! and better yet no one asked for changes. then between the end of Wednesday till Friday i was working on digitizing chapter 2 and so far everything is going great. I love my co-workers they are ALL awesome people and really sweet and funny OMG!! so funny XD
i was dragged to lunch on friday to celebrate my boss' birthday form the art dept. it was a surprise party too, it worked cos she didn't suspect a thing Cx and usualy my lunch break is form 12:30 to 1:30, we whined up staying till 3pm
XD So cool! hehehehheh it was a great time.

Honestly i really love this job so far, i really hope i can get a more permanent placement in the future. My father has been so happy and supportive for me and so have been all of my friends...but my mother... :/ different story. She says she's happy for me, but all i get is her depressed, looking pitiful upset every time i come home form work, also picking fights when all i wanna do is tell her about my day and rest and relax and take in all the good feeling i get form being at the job and i guess i can't do that so i have to keep it to myself.

She's acting like a spoiled 7 year old craving attention even if it is negative and to just push my buttons. I swear there's been moments that i don't even wanna come home.
I'd stay close to my job or live in the office than come home. I've lost all respect for my mother. i really thought she'd be proud of me and happy to see me group up and work where i've always wanted to but i know doesn't care :__(

well thats all i gotta say sorry if i've not been online as much and i'll be working on commissions shortly so no worries i got a list and checking it twice ;)

but thank you all for reading. *hugs* and miss you all.

hey guys, hows it going? well firstly i want to apologize for not much productivity ^^;
since i' ve been back home, this week that as passed, i really didn't think much was gonna happen, but life is never predictable..ever.

2 months ago (practically) i had an interview at an editorial for an illustrator' s position and i honestly though everything went well, i didn't fully think i was gonna crash and burn, but it kinda seemed like so. I did call them back, no updates, no signs ...not really anything, so i was gonna try searching else were.

So i continued with the commissions and prepping for AC, and this passed Tuesday, i just just checking my email and i get call usually its a bill collector and i read the name on the phone and it was the Editorial. They said there had a temporary placement for an illustrator and asked me if i wanted the job. i was quite speechless and without hesitation i agreed and was so happy. Ironically my father the night before, he told me that he wanted me to find a job as soon as possible which he thought i wasn't gonna do, i' ve been wanting a job for so long and be able to be out of the house and getting the in office experience or something out of the house period.

So now i start tomorrow at 8:30am, i' m not fully sure of my whole schedule yet but i just hope everything goes smoothly. Even thought its a temp job im so thankful to have taken it also i hope have a lot of questions answered tomorrow and see how long im supposes to be there. Then whats kinda funny but pissed me off, i got a flu on Thursday and i' m still currently sick, i' ve been trying to rest and build up as much momentum as i possibly can cause i' m not gonna lie, i' m nervous, and excited so i hope my first day doesn't fully suck. ^^;

that basically all for now, and still having computer issues, i' m awaiting a copy of the install disk since my computer was updated with tiger on school grounds i don't have a copy of the disk. If that doesn't work, i will NEED to get a new CPU for mac or in other words a "mac mini" hopefully i' ll be able to save up enough with this job.

thank you all for reading and i miss all of you from AC *hugs*

Hi guys hows it going? Well Sorry for not posting this sooner, i was gonna do my whole report on FA first but since FA is down, im gonna have to settle for here instead.

Its been 2 days since i arrived back home form Pittsburgh and im just still taking all in the whole AC experience. Honestly now i really wanna go back to more cons, and just try to be closer to this community, AC has shown me that warmth of people, the kindness, and the just crazy antics that happens sometimes.

I loved basically every bit of the con, there where a few ups and downs, im not gonna lie.
but i think still it was worth going. the Day we arrived (with Yamibliss, Arius, and Illution) we had to wait for out room to check in (In the courtyard Marriott) and it was gonna take 2 hours, so we went directly to the Westin just to see whom has arrived yet, but we were jet-lagged sweaty from a 7 hour flight and all of us wanted a shower. so luckily Yamibliss got a call form the Marriott like 45mins after we were at the Westin and we left to wait on showers. After so, we went back refressed and ready to mingle. :3 I was awesome, there weren't a lot of people there yet, but we still had fun and got to do a few trades, i got to meet Dazen, Kal, Notveryathletic, papayakitty, Kazewolf, and a few others, was also hanging out with Skech and listening to his shenanigans and it was a chill night.

Thursday was multiplyed by people, i was on my way up to 3rd floor of the Westin to get in the Ballroom aka the Zoo and i was greeted by Zer and Panda, which was cool. heheheh so then i went to do my pre-reg line to get my con badges and bag-o-goodies and then in the zoo an to just draw and stuff.

then prepping for the Ally on Friday, i got in, i was so happy and i wasn't the only one, i was flattered that everyone else cheered for me. it meant a lot to me and it was kinda funny too, well that day i made $140 that day and went to the zoo to continue on the commissions i had lined up that day, i was sitting next to KKitty23, Gah she made me laugh so much that she distracted me during the Ally. then At the zoo i got to hang with Pall and with Soba, and they had come back form the Artshow ceremonies and such and i was sitting next to kkitty again at the zoo also with Blinque and TashaFox, but then KK kinda disapired on me so i didn't wanna leave her stuff at the zoo, so i went up to her room and left her stuff with Yuni and blaits. Also that day i lost 3 badges i had printed and laminated out....that bothered me a lot. : /

Saturday i also got in the ally again and i managed to make $260...even though i made 2 commissions for Bondage Bob.... NEVER AGAIN. that was the creepiest moment of my life. x_x but i did get to meet, KodaDax and Rottie. they were so nice and sweet. ^____^ and many others as well.

i really wasn't eating i was most of the time nauseous during the zoo, so bad that i had to step out and just try to draw in the hallway. Mind you almost everyday before Sunday i would have 2 hours or less of sleep. So being in the hallway i encountered Tashafox and Justin with his buds and just talking then KK appeared and her fangirls too XD, but it was cool, i did get to draw out bauske's piece clamly and i went back to my room around 4am then i took that day to sleep, and didn't hit the ally, but i did get to cruse around the Dealers Den and meet artist and such, all were so nice and very friendly ^^ sometimes i just didn't know what to say ^^;;; cuz im dumb like that, then i just went outside of the center to the hallway and did more of the Saturday commissions while hanging with Koday, Bluebane, Arius and Illution, also Foxywolf was around having fun. then back to the zoo and i finally got to eat something after days of nausea and i was feeling better.

other things also happen that weren't to great but at least most got resolved. On Monday we had a day for ourselves, we went to movies and got to see Wall-E which was a masterpiece, i cried i admit it and i have no shame, it was a beautiful piece. then we went to the cheesecake factory and drooled and bought some cheesecake XD and took it back to the room.

then just did more little trade between us and went to sleep. We left PA on Tuesday there was a big flight delay form PA to Newark and then we made it literally photo finish to our connecting flight to San Juan. @___@ it was nuts, on the plane, i had just a lot to think about, all the people i meat, how much i just wanna be on my own, doing my own thing and finish school and just living my own life.

I got home and i just cried on my bed after everyone went to sleep. well i got online and saw FA down, and i was running some updates and now i can't open: Skype, Safari, Yahoo messenger, and my System update... that personally scares me. 4 programs and i can't open them, and I've tried everything and now I'm realizing how old my computer is and i dunno how much longer it can handle. what next, PS? ArtRage? i won't be able to work...and i don't have enough for a new one at the moment, the money i made is for my annual maintenance of the car inspection and i helped out a friend at AC as well, But i hope i can save enough to go next year and to get a new Mac tower for my computer. but as of right now...i can not Skype, of there any other program that is like Skype (and mac friendly), tell me and I'll download it so i can voice with people, its my only phone i got.

So that basically my trip and yeah i had a lot to think about and even a few things i thought i knew have changed in some way and hopefully next year I'll come more pre-paired and I'm gonna be aiming for a dealers table too.

thank you all for reading and be seeing ya. :3

Hi guys, this is something i've been wanting to do for the longest time. i've been in youtube for 2 years now and never really submitted a video and i've lurked around enough saw so many video demonstrations and i've always wanted to do one for so long, but didn't have the proper software to make such videos. So, a good friend of mine (thank you Stevie) was sweet enough to find a mac based program for scree-Capture. my first ScreenCapture video was done in ArtRage2 so show how i sketch and cleanup. Actual elapsed time for the recording 19mins, compressed to 3+mins



Then the next day i wanted to make a video demonstration of my coloring work in PS, So there you go, Actual elapsed time of recording 40mins compressed to 9+mins




I hope you all enjoy :D

hi guys hows it going? I know i have not really be updating as much as i should be and i guess im just gonna take this opportunity to just vent out a few things on my mind, just to simply release it.
There's been a lot of worry on my mind lately and i can not shake it off, as much as i try.
I guess i'm worried about different things. I've been having a lot of home drama. My Father left for the
States to get checked up on his surgeon that removed his tumor almost a year ago, which is good, im glad hes going to check on that and also he will visiting family. Thats fine,

My mother hasn't really been progressing at all and it really is taking its toll on me, the last thing that happened was this whole issue with my brother's new meds that helps hims sleep at night, she took it a pone herself to try one of my brother's pills so she could sleep, and now she can't sleep with out them. I had to beg her to talk to HER doctor and see if they are appropriate for her cuz my brother was not gonna have enough pills by the time he was gonna see his doctor. So my mother's shrink prescribed her own batch of pills and at least that worked out, but she is still kinda refusing to go for actual sessions, but to be perfectly honest, i wouldn't mind if she would see a whole new shrink. the one that she's had for 30 years has not done anything for her at all in fact i think it just has progressively has made her worse. She's been addicted to Xannax provided by her shrink and its just made her into a zombie over the years, angry and bitter.

My brother...well i dunno anymore. He's not been in school for a year and there is still a case pending on his behalf. Hopefully he'll get to go for summer school in June, i really hope, what worries me is his behaver, its been very unstable and it was so inappropriate, that his own school didn't wanna deal with him. I wish there better facilities here in Puerto Rico, but there really isn't. I know my brother would benefit so much better in the States, hell for all i know he might even get to speak one day...

i swear there are days that i don't wanna care as much, and just say: 'fuck it" and up and leave and not look back, But i can not leave just as, what would happen if i left? that question haunts me in a continuous fashion everyday. Im sick of fighting everyday with my mom about her being inconsiderate with me, and blaming me for everything when im trying to help her as much as i can. I want my own life, and i have asked for help form the government, my father and...nothing...

Im still trying though...i much as i can and take it one day at a time, But there are days that i can't even work and do what i owe and continue, or just draw for me...no new ideas, no new inspiration, my whole surrounding don't even let me concentrate. All of my stress has build up, and all that on my mind is "i don't wanna disappoint anybody" i hate feeling that way. My self satisfaction is to make someone happy.
Im still working on sketches and overdue commissions and now spunkywulf 's auction collabs which is cool, i've always wanted to do it and help her out. But i just wanna finish all i need to finish.

I'm somewhat worried also about upcoming AC, i just hope i get to finish everything on time for the con and to be ready to draw, and participate in Artist Alley this year. Im worried about whom i'm rooming with, my friends, but there's some tension there and i just hope there isn't any drama and everybody gets to enjoy the con. Im excited at the same time im gonna get to see people that i've met and have not met, and spend a great time and just talking and doodling on their sketchbooks cuz im a dork like that.

i hope after all this, i'll get to have more of a clear mind and more focused and disciplined to work harder and be able to make my own life, even if it is a small step at a time.

*takes a deep breath* wow this has been my longest post ever ^^; Im sorry, but i do feel a lot better now after letting all of this out. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me. I really appreciate every single one of you. thank you. :3

hi everyone, sorry i have not been around as of late, i've had just a lot of stuff on my mind.
Been kinda busy working on overdue stuff and trying to color a few tings at once
including the avatard comic with kkitty23 and Kitty-lynn and not to mention commissions owed
and its just been overall hecktic.
My brother has a new hearing at a new school, i hope to God it goes well cuz he needs to get out this house
and be in another enviorment...(for those whom don't know, my brother is a 23 year old with sever autisim)
hes been quite difficult to control lately and it really bothers me that my mom wont even try to consider other options for him
i worry about my brother a lot and i wish i could do so much more for everybody....
i almost walked out on my mother out of pure anger...i felt horrible about it cuz i wasn't thinking straight at all
im really am just sick of fighting with her everyday, its just really getting redundant and i hate fighting with her.
*sighs*

Also, i really feel that there's something wrong with me and i know i'm allowing it to happen.
i feel the way that i do cuz i feel sorry for myself all the time, i'm not taking care of myself,
i allowed myself to get in to a hole of depression when i should be stronger than that.
I really just have to take the courage to face things that i can change for the better and be a better person.
even knowing that it can be hard, even if theres day that i just hate myself, i just wanna grow and be sucessfull for once.

i know this all kinda random and im sorry.....sometimes i just hate keeping stuff bottled up. ya'know
thank you for reading.

Hi guys, hows it going, well yeah alot of stuff has been going, on, as you all know
i couldn't register for my semester in school, a real bummer
i really thought i could make a better path this semester wise though
been trying to llok for a job, but also got caught up in
drama at home, since also my brother is not going to his school as well
he has one more year and his school doesnt wanna take him back in
so they are willing to provide another location for him to go
and finally get the talking machine for him
but BOTH of my parents pinned me in to taking that responsability
in to taking my brother to the new facility, something very unfamiliar to him
and ususaly doing this is eirthr my father or my mom, since they know what to do,
but NO, they wanted ME to do this, i have No clue even how to this sort of thing
and i honestly getting sick of my parent treating me like i'm my brother's parent
I even had a very big arguement with my father
since my first two days taking my brother there were a very big bust, he paniced and
wanted to bite people, same thing the second day and was more agressive. =/
Now the new palce doesn't want him anymore, and now my father has to talk to his layer to
to see if he can find a new place.
I feel bad for resisting so much and making it more difficult for everybody
-__- im honestly so frustraited in general of the whole situation.
Now slowly but surely im getting myself back in the grove to draw again
i need to find a job pretty damn soon, i really need to get some more, save and get the fuck out of here
it really duelling on me, it gonna be a very hard step to do
since i don't like leaving my only family behind, but i do need to get my own life going
i need to get my will stronger still, i hope by getting a job, it should do the trick.

Also i got in to the pixel fighter ID's

( here are pixelated IDs )

Just going through the crap as usual at home
nothing really has changed, i've been busy with delayed commissions and also
trying to do a few things for my own, since i really have not been able to do
much of that as of late.
here is something i did today, it took me 2 hours to do
its my own personal challange/practice, since i have not done realisum in some time now
wanted to see if i still had it. my mom always pushed me to do more realisum since i was little
she enjoyed drawing faces, she was really good at it, but she lost the drive to continue
and it was a disapointment to her that i turned out to like comics and cartoons more
oh well...
here is the piece i did today all done up in PSCS3 from scratch
it of a corgi
i hope you all like :]

well guys hows it going, just giving a bit of a general update of stuff that has been going on since being back
home since AC. Honestly i never knew a high till i was at AC, feeling free around people that understand you
not feeling so alone, not being scared, not worring about anything. So difrient now at home, like a friend of mine put it
like going back to a small black box or a cave. it really hasint been easy being at home again
my mom is still the same, you would think she would have changed some since i was gone, i know it wasint alot, but she would say that things are not same when im not there bla bla bla and it been the same back.
she still is incosident and selfish. My father has been doing his thing a comes home a few odd night late
trying to bag a new mate to get the hell out, but that doesnt matter now, he has placed a depissit for an apartment near his job. He want a batcherlor par to bring girls home and stuff, so yey more power to him.
the reality is that im at a really big crossroads. i've been debating this since i've been back home, should i:

A. seriously say fuck it, get a full time job and save up enough to move out?
or B. take out a loan and finish my year or up to 2 years of college risking my semesters still being at home?

Either way i do end up at home still, my father doesnt want me there. so today i did talk to my mother
and told her everything all my worries, all that has been bothering me
she says she wants to help, but i don't fully believe her, but honestly i dont wanna have a broken family
as in ending everythign all bitter unsolved and in shambles, i ony have one family, its small, but its all i got,
and if they are gonna be stuburn, asshole-ish, or smiply closed minded, it will end tragicly.

this atmostpher has really taken its toll, im sick of this hole im in and NOT BEING ABLE TO DRAW, and that SCARES ME
me without drawing, im nothing, nothing at all. i know in my heart im not smart enough to tacle any other job out there, im not a math wizz, or an argumetal defender or anything, im more of a chicken thats a horrid speller, kinda sloww, and know hot to draw. and i would really colaps if a lose that. Now i have to resort to zoloft to make me feel peachy and focus, its downfall, i dont sleep, but thats whats the shinks are for.
well let me get back to work.


sorry for this big ass vent, but i really needed to let it out. (hugs all)

all I can say is : W O W

I've never had a better vacation in my whole intiere life!!!
I love meeting and putting a face over everybody, one of things that suprised me was the warmth of the enveriment
and playfullness and everybody was so friendly and nice.
it was indeed a great impact and this trip kinda woke me up telling me that i can make it
and be independent.

I got shafted twice at Artist Alley (friday and Saturday) But i didnt care, i had fun drawing form people
Sunday i got in AA and made $215 which surprised me
^^;;; i didnt expect so much

I loved haging out with people, Pallandinthug, BlueBane, Mottenfest, Spunky,
Cooper, Strype, fen, Tremor, Kahmari, Rakeesh, Pain, Kira,
Yunicoon, Kitty, LeeLee, Skech, (the list keeps going and you know who you are )
Every Single one of you made mey trip worth wile and i didnt want to leave
so one my was home, i couldnt stop crying, i seriously didnt want to leave
and im gonna do my damnist to move to the US and get to go as many more cons as i can

it is truely somehting i will never forget

thank you ALL for making it the best experince ever!
*HUGS ALL and i MISS YOU ALLL ALREADY*
(ack, tryes not to cry* )

Hey guys giving a full update on whats been going on at home as i try to repair for AC
First of, im nervous as hell, no to mention i never flow with out a family member before,
and let alone, in a state in the US that i've never been to.
but here at home, My mom has been a zombie basicly, we SERIOUSLY don't get along
she is such a child and selfish and inconsident...9_9
my father got back form NY on Tuesday night, when i was told that he might be staing for 6 more weeks
overthere for radiation treatment. i felt like i was in groundhogs day then i was told that
cuz him not being here would mean my mother alone with my brother = sabotage ivy's trip
but that didn't happen, so hes home now i hope i can leave and enjoy the trip in peace
yeah...staying any longer in this house is really killing my drive to draw, so badly, it scares me.
But yeah, I'm really thankful that im have a lot posives to look forward to mainly meeting all of you
it meens alot to me that i get to see the faces i interact with alsmot everyday that i'm online
cuz to my this like my window of freedon at home besides drawing, i know it sounds very loserish of me
but its true, i dont get to go out much, cuz if the care i have to stowe on my brother and my mother constaintly
my momther even commented in that she wanted to go with me...like she doesnt even realize or want me have my own breathing space...
so yeah now im prepping for AC, doing badges for my friends and making prints, bring art matirails to draw with you guys, i hope everythign turns out ok overthere.
well das it for now
*hugs all*
Also Been Badge making all this week end, some im gonna be sending to the printers tomorrow
and some will be printed overthere

( Badges Done and to be done and finish pluss more to come @__@ )

hey guys hows it going, well i wanna just show that i got to finally OC with someone
this isnt my first, but it was pretty cool to do, much less on Virtual PC for the MAc
anyways this was with palladinthug he drew bahama mutt
and i did the hellboy
well more "fun" updates form home, in my next entery
i can't wait for AC, i seriously NEED to get out of this house -_____-

So, ivybeth, your LiveJournal reveals...



You are... 0% unique and 47% herdlike
(partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy sleeping).
When it comes to friends you are a total whore. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please.

Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is overcomplicated.

Your overall weirdness is: 28

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 63% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

Hey guys, hows it going? First off, THANK YOU ALL for you Kind words and thoughts of support,
i really needed that and just updatting whtas going on, I had very big sit-down with my father almost a few days after i had uploaded the previous journal, and i told him ( and to make him actualy litsen to me) and really explian to him
that i can not continue living under the same roof with my mother, he basicly said that he can not house me
then i asked for his help with my resumé and my letter of introduction.
He agreed and then i explained that for the past 3 years, my collage life has been a joke
since my mom would call me up in the middle of class to go home due to some emergency
or also making me stay home for some reason, cuz she was scared of something
also there was a big construction work at home that to this day is still unfinished,
cuz the contractor took the money and
ran and also the the attacks my brother would have at bitting people
but to her i was her human sheald and she basicly didnt want me to grow up
and she thought i wasint gonna make it far with what i draw (content = comicbook/furries/colorist)

So i told him this and i was like: "you got to see it for your self, father"
"but now i NEED to get a Job, i can not continue the sharade at home and in collage, im never gonna graduate"
"so i wanna get a job, to move out and move to the states and get to continue studing there (form scratch)
but i'll get ot have a diploma"
and my dad actually said: " well i'll help you"
and I also told him, that i need to see how it is out in the world, So i told him i'm going to AC
He said he would help me get my passport and it would be a good experince for me
so I'll be attenting AC if all goes well. :3
and i need to find out who would wanna room with me....if there is still time
you tell me guys
But i told this my my mother and said that i cant continue like this, i need to grow up and be a loser like i am now
i wanna get a job (full time) and she was silent
but lets see what happenes next, but thankfully, i do feel better now
*hugs all*