:] Ovy


::IvyB!'s Blog and such::

-Crap that goes on-

:: ArtRage Sketching and Photoshop colring videos ::
Ovy <3 fender-suiting
Hi guys, this is something i've been wanting to do for the longest time. i've been in youtube for 2 years now and never really submitted a video and i've lurked around enough saw so many video demonstrations and i've always wanted to do one for so long, but didn't have the proper software to make such videos. So, a good friend of mine (thank you Stevie) was sweet enough to find a mac based program for scree-Capture. my first ScreenCapture video was done in ArtRage2 so show how i sketch and cleanup. Actual elapsed time for the recording 19mins, compressed to 3+mins

Then the next day i wanted to make a video demonstration of my coloring work in PS, So there you go, Actual elapsed time of recording 40mins compressed to 9+mins

I hope you all enjoy :D

:: guess you would say im here? ::
:] Ovy
hi guys hows it going? I know i have not really be updating as much as i should be and i guess im just gonna take this opportunity to just vent out a few things on my mind, just to simply release it.
There's been a lot of worry on my mind lately and i can not shake it off, as much as i try.
I guess i'm worried about different things. I've been having a lot of home drama. My Father left for the
States to get checked up on his surgeon that removed his tumor almost a year ago, which is good, im glad hes going to check on that and also he will visiting family. Thats fine,

My mother hasn't really been progressing at all and it really is taking its toll on me, the last thing that happened was this whole issue with my brother's new meds that helps hims sleep at night, she took it a pone herself to try one of my brother's pills so she could sleep, and now she can't sleep with out them. I had to beg her to talk to HER doctor and see if they are appropriate for her cuz my brother was not gonna have enough pills by the time he was gonna see his doctor. So my mother's shrink prescribed her own batch of pills and at least that worked out, but she is still kinda refusing to go for actual sessions, but to be perfectly honest, i wouldn't mind if she would see a whole new shrink. the one that she's had for 30 years has not done anything for her at all in fact i think it just has progressively has made her worse. She's been addicted to Xannax provided by her shrink and its just made her into a zombie over the years, angry and bitter.

My brother...well i dunno anymore. He's not been in school for a year and there is still a case pending on his behalf. Hopefully he'll get to go for summer school in June, i really hope, what worries me is his behaver, its been very unstable and it was so inappropriate, that his own school didn't wanna deal with him. I wish there better facilities here in Puerto Rico, but there really isn't. I know my brother would benefit so much better in the States, hell for all i know he might even get to speak one day...

i swear there are days that i don't wanna care as much, and just say: 'fuck it" and up and leave and not look back, But i can not leave just as, what would happen if i left? that question haunts me in a continuous fashion everyday. Im sick of fighting everyday with my mom about her being inconsiderate with me, and blaming me for everything when im trying to help her as much as i can. I want my own life, and i have asked for help form the government, my father and...nothing...

Im still trying though...i much as i can and take it one day at a time, But there are days that i can't even work and do what i owe and continue, or just draw for me...no new ideas, no new inspiration, my whole surrounding don't even let me concentrate. All of my stress has build up, and all that on my mind is "i don't wanna disappoint anybody" i hate feeling that way. My self satisfaction is to make someone happy.
Im still working on sketches and overdue commissions and now spunkywulf 's auction collabs which is cool, i've always wanted to do it and help her out. But i just wanna finish all i need to finish.

I'm somewhat worried also about upcoming AC, i just hope i get to finish everything on time for the con and to be ready to draw, and participate in Artist Alley this year. Im worried about whom i'm rooming with, my friends, but there's some tension there and i just hope there isn't any drama and everybody gets to enjoy the con. Im excited at the same time im gonna get to see people that i've met and have not met, and spend a great time and just talking and doodling on their sketchbooks cuz im a dork like that.

i hope after all this, i'll get to have more of a clear mind and more focused and disciplined to work harder and be able to make my own life, even if it is a small step at a time.

*takes a deep breath* wow this has been my longest post ever ^^; Im sorry, but i do feel a lot better now after letting all of this out. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me. I really appreciate every single one of you. thank you. :3

:: yeah im still here ::
:] Ovy
hi everyone, sorry i have not been around as of late, i've had just a lot of stuff on my mind.
Been kinda busy working on overdue stuff and trying to color a few tings at once
including the avatard comic with kkitty23 and Kitty-lynn and not to mention commissions owed
and its just been overall hecktic.
My brother has a new hearing at a new school, i hope to God it goes well cuz he needs to get out this house
and be in another enviorment...(for those whom don't know, my brother is a 23 year old with sever autisim)
hes been quite difficult to control lately and it really bothers me that my mom wont even try to consider other options for him
i worry about my brother a lot and i wish i could do so much more for everybody....
i almost walked out on my mother out of pure anger...i felt horrible about it cuz i wasn't thinking straight at all
im really am just sick of fighting with her everyday, its just really getting redundant and i hate fighting with her.

Also, i really feel that there's something wrong with me and i know i'm allowing it to happen.
i feel the way that i do cuz i feel sorry for myself all the time, i'm not taking care of myself,
i allowed myself to get in to a hole of depression when i should be stronger than that.
I really just have to take the courage to face things that i can change for the better and be a better person.
even knowing that it can be hard, even if theres day that i just hate myself, i just wanna grow and be sucessfull for once.

i know this all kinda random and im sorry.....sometimes i just hate keeping stuff bottled up. ya'know
thank you for reading.

:: a little of everything ::
Pixel ovy
Hi guys, hows it going, well yeah alot of stuff has been going, on, as you all know
i couldn't register for my semester in school, a real bummer
i really thought i could make a better path this semester wise though
been trying to llok for a job, but also got caught up in
drama at home, since also my brother is not going to his school as well
he has one more year and his school doesnt wanna take him back in
so they are willing to provide another location for him to go
and finally get the talking machine for him
but BOTH of my parents pinned me in to taking that responsability
in to taking my brother to the new facility, something very unfamiliar to him
and ususaly doing this is eirthr my father or my mom, since they know what to do,
but NO, they wanted ME to do this, i have No clue even how to this sort of thing
and i honestly getting sick of my parent treating me like i'm my brother's parent
I even had a very big arguement with my father
since my first two days taking my brother there were a very big bust, he paniced and
wanted to bite people, same thing the second day and was more agressive. =/
Now the new palce doesn't want him anymore, and now my father has to talk to his layer to
to see if he can find a new place.
I feel bad for resisting so much and making it more difficult for everybody
-__- im honestly so frustraited in general of the whole situation.
Now slowly but surely im getting myself back in the grove to draw again
i need to find a job pretty damn soon, i really need to get some more, save and get the fuck out of here
it really duelling on me, it gonna be a very hard step to do
since i don't like leaving my only family behind, but i do need to get my own life going
i need to get my will stronger still, i hope by getting a job, it should do the trick.

Also i got in to the pixel fighter ID's

here are pixelated IDsCollapse )

:: Stuff and arts ::
:] Ovy
Just going through the crap as usual at home
nothing really has changed, i've been busy with delayed commissions and also
trying to do a few things for my own, since i really have not been able to do
much of that as of late.
here is something i did today, it took me 2 hours to do
its my own personal challange/practice, since i have not done realisum in some time now
wanted to see if i still had it. my mom always pushed me to do more realisum since i was little
she enjoyed drawing faces, she was really good at it, but she lost the drive to continue
and it was a disapointment to her that i turned out to like comics and cartoons more
oh well...
here is the piece i did today all done up in PSCS3 from scratch
it of a corgi
i hope you all like :]

:: Since...::
:] Ovy
well guys hows it going, just giving a bit of a general update of stuff that has been going on since being back
home since AC. Honestly i never knew a high till i was at AC, feeling free around people that understand you
not feeling so alone, not being scared, not worring about anything. So difrient now at home, like a friend of mine put it
like going back to a small black box or a cave. it really hasint been easy being at home again
my mom is still the same, you would think she would have changed some since i was gone, i know it wasint alot, but she would say that things are not same when im not there bla bla bla and it been the same back.
she still is incosident and selfish. My father has been doing his thing a comes home a few odd night late
trying to bag a new mate to get the hell out, but that doesnt matter now, he has placed a depissit for an apartment near his job. He want a batcherlor par to bring girls home and stuff, so yey more power to him.
the reality is that im at a really big crossroads. i've been debating this since i've been back home, should i:

A. seriously say fuck it, get a full time job and save up enough to move out?
or B. take out a loan and finish my year or up to 2 years of college risking my semesters still being at home?

Either way i do end up at home still, my father doesnt want me there. so today i did talk to my mother
and told her everything all my worries, all that has been bothering me
she says she wants to help, but i don't fully believe her, but honestly i dont wanna have a broken family
as in ending everythign all bitter unsolved and in shambles, i ony have one family, its small, but its all i got,
and if they are gonna be stuburn, asshole-ish, or smiply closed minded, it will end tragicly.

this atmostpher has really taken its toll, im sick of this hole im in and NOT BEING ABLE TO DRAW, and that SCARES ME
me without drawing, im nothing, nothing at all. i know in my heart im not smart enough to tacle any other job out there, im not a math wizz, or an argumetal defender or anything, im more of a chicken thats a horrid speller, kinda sloww, and know hot to draw. and i would really colaps if a lose that. Now i have to resort to zoloft to make me feel peachy and focus, its downfall, i dont sleep, but thats whats the shinks are for.
well let me get back to work.

sorry for this big ass vent, but i really needed to let it out. (hugs all)

:: Back form AC paradise ::
:] Ovy
all I can say is : W O W

I've never had a better vacation in my whole intiere life!!!
I love meeting and putting a face over everybody, one of things that suprised me was the warmth of the enveriment
and playfullness and everybody was so friendly and nice.
it was indeed a great impact and this trip kinda woke me up telling me that i can make it
and be independent.

I got shafted twice at Artist Alley (friday and Saturday) But i didnt care, i had fun drawing form people
Sunday i got in AA and made $215 which surprised me
^^;;; i didnt expect so much

I loved haging out with people, Pallandinthug, BlueBane, Mottenfest, Spunky,
Cooper, Strype, fen, Tremor, Kahmari, Rakeesh, Pain, Kira,
Yunicoon, Kitty, LeeLee, Skech, (the list keeps going and you know who you are )
Every Single one of you made mey trip worth wile and i didnt want to leave
so one my was home, i couldnt stop crying, i seriously didnt want to leave
and im gonna do my damnist to move to the US and get to go as many more cons as i can

it is truely somehting i will never forget

thank you ALL for making it the best experince ever!
(ack, tryes not to cry* )

:: Jitters and Crap ::
:] Ovy
Hey guys giving a full update on whats been going on at home as i try to repair for AC
First of, im nervous as hell, no to mention i never flow with out a family member before,
and let alone, in a state in the US that i've never been to.
but here at home, My mom has been a zombie basicly, we SERIOUSLY don't get along
she is such a child and selfish and inconsident...9_9
my father got back form NY on Tuesday night, when i was told that he might be staing for 6 more weeks
overthere for radiation treatment. i felt like i was in groundhogs day then i was told that
cuz him not being here would mean my mother alone with my brother = sabotage ivy's trip
but that didn't happen, so hes home now i hope i can leave and enjoy the trip in peace
yeah...staying any longer in this house is really killing my drive to draw, so badly, it scares me.
But yeah, I'm really thankful that im have a lot posives to look forward to mainly meeting all of you
it meens alot to me that i get to see the faces i interact with alsmot everyday that i'm online
cuz to my this like my window of freedon at home besides drawing, i know it sounds very loserish of me
but its true, i dont get to go out much, cuz if the care i have to stowe on my brother and my mother constaintly
my momther even commented in that she wanted to go with me...like she doesnt even realize or want me have my own breathing space...
so yeah now im prepping for AC, doing badges for my friends and making prints, bring art matirails to draw with you guys, i hope everythign turns out ok overthere.
well das it for now
*hugs all*
Also Been Badge making all this week end, some im gonna be sending to the printers tomorrow
and some will be printed overthere

Badges Done and to be done and finish pluss more to come @__@Collapse )

:: Got OC working ::
:] Ovy
hey guys hows it going, well i wanna just show that i got to finally OC with someone
this isnt my first, but it was pretty cool to do, much less on Virtual PC for the MAc
anyways this was with palladinthug he drew bahama mutt
and i did the hellboy
well more "fun" updates form home, in my next entery
i can't wait for AC, i seriously NEED to get out of this house -_____-


:] Ovy
So, ivybeth, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 0% unique and 47% herdlike
(partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy sleeping).
When it comes to friends you are a total whore. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please.

Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is overcomplicated.

Your overall weirdness is: 28

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 63% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!


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